I was doing SO WELL on the meds I was on, fairly stable, rarely swinging full manic and a livable amount of depression.
But I made the mistake of mentioning, at my most recent psych appointment, that I was lactating from the Invega.
My doctor immediately wanted to know for how long. Four years? Five? I couldn’t remember. I wore Lily Pads, so it wasn’t really a problem.
But she thought it was a problem and was very concerned about losing bone density and mastitis issues. She was also concerned that I continued to swing manic occasionally and was usually moderately depressed. (My default public face is chipper and happy… but that’s not how it is in my head!)
So… she gave me some medication options. Several of them seemed okay, had few side effects, but… I’m REALLY worried about this change over. So when she said one was almost certain to work to keep me stable I went for that one. I NEED to be able to keep my job!!!
I LIKE not having suicidal urges and not being a hot mess. I LIKE who I am now. I LIKE being reliable and put together and acting like an responsible adult.
So we’re trying it.
I can’t say for sure if it’s working yet as I’m slowly going on it and reducing the Invega.
The possible side effects worry me. The most common is rapid and excessive weight gain.
Lots of weight gain.
I DON’T WANT TO GAIN ANY MORE WEIGHT. Like, I teared up just typing this.
I feel like I have to take the med, which means I need to address the weight gain. So, I’m going 100% Keto and buckling down.
What does this mean?
I need help with this, and I’m doing well so far, but I NEED to succeed. I’ve stayed Keto since Tuesday, but I have to keep going. I’m going to list my starting weight as 300 – it had gone up because of the copious amounts of ice cream I ate to deal with Grandpa dying.
I want to believe I can do this.
I’ll, of course, keep you updated. Really, I’m willing to talk about almost everything in my life EXCEPT: work, politics, religion and information/situations that I need permission from other people to post. (Part of this attempt to respect privacy is why I never use anyone’s name! Or even initials really.)
Even embarrassing stuff. Even hard stuff.
Because these are conversations I feel need to be had so that other people don’t feel alone. So whenever it pops up, I don’t shy away, you know? Even if I’m cringing when I hit ‘Publish’.
We need to know we’re not alone. I need to know I’m not alone too. So you’ll hear about it, probably with wailing and gnashing of teeth. But most of that is blowing off steam so you can safely ignore it. *smile*
What are you struggling with right now? What topics are taboo on your blog? Why? How do you feel about talking about other people you know on your blog? Inquiring minds want to know!