Mania and Hypomania

“What is mania or hypomania,” you might be wondering.

Have you ever had a moment when you’re just stoked and fizzing with motivation and energy about a project you’re working on, and you just can’t talk fast enough to explain it all?

If you have (and you’re not already familiar with mania), that gives you some idea of what Hypomania is like.  I’d describe it as this euphoric, fizzing, buzzing energy that you can’t sit still through.  I’m so enthusiastic about whatever I’m inspired to work on that I will push myself to the point of damage in pursuit of that goal.  Keep in mind I have EDS too, so weed whacking the entire yard until I run out of string and finally realize I’ve been doing nothing but wave the weed wacker around for three hours is actually a bad thing!  I can spend a week or more recovering.

Everything around me is so slow, and it makes me impatient, and I can’t hold a thought in my head without this urgent need to share it and then jump to a new  topic.  I talk too fast, but it just comes bubbling out, and it’s hard to direct it.

But it’s fun.  For me Hypomania is definitely the best part about being Bipolar, and this is when I’m at my most charming and enthusiastic.  Two people hypomanic at the same time hanging out together is just plain awesome.

It’s fun.  Until it isn’t.

Until I’m shaking with the energy, and I can’t sleep, I can’t sit still, I can’t stop talking.  I can’t keep my focus for more than a few seconds, and even I can tell that my talking has become unintelligible because I can’t spit the words out fast enough or even finish a sentence before I’m talking about something else.  It starts to feel sick like something is very, very wrong, and I can physically feel it.  I can’t work on anything because I’m jumping from thought to thought to thought, but whatever I’m doing I’m the best at it like there’s-never-been-anybody-better.  The BEST.

Or so I think.

This is Mania, and I hate it.  I’m irrational and will deny anything’s wrong even when it obviously is.  I’m impulsive and hard to predict… but not dangerous.  Sorry to disappoint, but I’ve got the ‘benign’ crazies. *smile*

Mostly I’m just doing damage to myself by not sleeping or eating and pushing my body too far.  When it reaches this point, my husband calls my doctor because it’s far past the range of where I usually swing and needs to be dealt with immediately.

So, welcome to two of the faces of Bipolar I!