Mom died on September 26th, and I’ve had some sort of life shattering epiphany by reading RespectIsSexy’s response to YouTuber Hank Green. I’ve linked the screen capture above.
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MY 3 THINGS DECLARATION:
1. Writing – that’s drafting, editing, publishing all those things. Reading fits in under here in that I do it to relax but also to grow. Classes I take fit here. This all kind of falls under ‘learning to write and DOING IT’
2. Marketing – everything I do to promote my books on social media and present a unified brand. This includes BEING SOCIAL ONLINE and MAKING FRIENDS and PUTTING MYSELF OUT THERE. Which are challenges, but part of ‘making me a person to readers and not just a money grab’.
3. Being Healthy – Food, cooking, cleaning the kitchen, everything I need to do to eat healthy and not survive off cereal and rice. This includes feeding my husband and the dogs, and by extension walking Birdie because she’s getting chub. I want to be less out of shape, and she needs to be healthy. Not letting myself bed rot when I’m sad until my husband forces me to shower. This is all part of ‘the feeding and care of your Renee’.
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That’s it. That’s my three. Work is outside these – those are set hours that do not follow me home.
This is all I’m committing to do and following through with. I am an okay artist, but do I want to be a professional artist? NO. So I didn’t make that one of my three. I’ll draw if it makes me feel joy but I’m not going to chase a dream I’m not willing to put time and effort into and then be sad because I’m failing. DO YOU HEAR THAT Mark Manson? Your guitar dreams taught me that if I’m not willing to put the work in it’s not that important to me and is just a pretty noodling fantasy.
I enjoy gardening, but I can buy food at the store. I’m not going to starve if my tomatoes don’t make it. I’ll garden to relax but not to be perfect. This is not a sustenance culture – we created society so that everyone has an easier time of it! I don’t need to farm if I don’t want to, and that’s a luxury.
I’ll crotchet to relax, but not to be perfect. I extend this to things like mending my clothes because I enjoy doing that and am cheap.
But on top of that I will not do other things that do not help my goals – sitting and vegging on Facebook when I’m not engaging people, just scrolling? Who does that help? NO ONE. Especially not me, and I’m not even talking to you so why am I doing it?
I will set timers for what doesn’t matter so it can’t eat my time and I then I will BUST MY ASS at my chosen 3 things and only those 3 things.
But what about family, you ask? You know what? My husband has his own three things he has decided to focus on. We’ll work together to get chores done that aren’t on our list, but I’m not going to keep wasting his time by reading things off Facebook to him or insisting he watch funny shorts. We have dates for a reason. We sit together and work on what we love and bond that way.
My dad and brother – my dad enjoys sitting next to me while I write or market and just chilling. PERFECT. We talk quietly and we do what we both enjoy. My brother already schedules into my life, and I will absolutely make time for him – Mom entrusted me with this. Same with other relatives – I will schedule you into my life both so I have time but also so you don’t become a dropped ball or a missed chance.
But when it comes down to it, I will be focusing my time and energy on the three things I have determined with bring the most joy and fulfillment to my life.
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What does this mean for readers?
Captured Pawn is going to a new editor on November 1st. I will get it back in December.
Fae Alchemy drafted is waiting to go to editor.
Hard Reset (Zombies! Reverse Harem! Post Apoc!) is being outlined NOW in October and has 16,000 words already. It will have at least 25,000 words drafted in November – that’s my DefNotNaNo Goal.
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I’m always going to have to factor in time for my disability. Right now I’m factoring time for my grief.
But I don’t want to die with my dreams unfulfilled like my mom did. 🙁 She grieved that until the end, the lost chances, the lost dreams, her body failing her.
Love you, Mom.
