In 2000 or 2001, I don’t remember exactly, I was put on the medication, Singulair.
Let me tell you how it ruined my life.
It’s an allergy medication, and it works very well for that. But what no one knew or told me later is that it could cause hallucinations and paranoia, stuff that I attributed to my bipolar. My doctors just couldn’t figure out why nothing they did to treat them helped. When the medication was black boxed, no one thought that it might be the cause of my struggles.
They also couldn’t figure out why my hallucinations were nothing like ‘normal’ hallucinations. I could tell they obviously weren’t real and reacted with annoyance rather than fear or upset. I did my best to ignore them. Lots of insects and darting black blurs, floating orbs, melting colors, cats with oversized eyes. Bells ringing, phone ringing, voices in the next room, whispering, singing, a radio sounding conversation. That’s just the hallucinations.
Everyone in my adult life had known me since I started the medications, so Renee being paranoid and hoarding food and later end of the world supplies was totally normal for the me they knew. It was just a Renee quirk. We’re talking bone deep fear that THE WORLD WAS ENDING AND WE MUST PREPARE. WE WILL STARVE.
It wasn’t until I read a Reddit post where a commenter said that they had thought their house was haunted but it turned out to be the singulair they were taking. And I was like… wait. I take that medication.
So I talked to my doctors, and I went off of it. It was like a light switch. All the hallucinations STOPPED cold. The paranoia was slower to ease, but suddenly I could look around my cluttered house and wonder why the hell I had SO MUCH STUFF. I stopped obsessively watching the news. I threw out expired food.
This month I have a dumpster and I’m throwing out extra stuff. (Several kind people have asked if they could go through it to sell stuff, and I told them yes of course. If they can sell it, more power to them. The sheer volume is more than I can handle. It’s a 20 foot dumpster and 1/4 the way full already.)
Total 180 in my life. I messaged that reddit commenter and thanked them for posting and told them they saved my bacon, and I got a politely confused ‘you’re welcome’ back.
But seriously, you SAVED MY BACON.
This med is bad news, and I dealt with it for 20+ years before we caught it.
So thank you to all my roommates that put up with my paranoia. Mormegil, Jean, Garrett, Roisin to list a few. I was unnecessarily crazy when I lived with you. Tricia, Stephanie.
Thank you to my inlaws who thought I was a nut but loved me anyway. Nancy, Stephen, Clara, Trinley
Thank you to my neighbors who let me put a dumpster on their land for a whole month so I could go through my house. Monica Krachey
And feel free to share this post in case it can help someone else. I’m very public about my mental health issues, and this is something people should know about.
