Which sounds dramatic, but that’s what it feels like.
I’ve mentioned that have Bipolar I, rapid cycling, but it’s pretty rare that I talk about how I’m doing because my meds are good, and my swings tend to both be shallow and short in duration.
Not so much this time.
There’s a hollow feeling and this weight that pins me down with every breath. Everything prompts tears, and it’s a struggle to even sit up in bed much less get up. I just want to cuddle with my husband and hide.
I realize I am SO lucky to have a husband who supports me.
I’m lucky to have a house and a dog and a job and health insurance. I’m lucky that I can pay my bills and get my medications.
But that’s hard to see when every heartbeat aches.
Everything feels empty and cold.
I’ve set aside working on my novel for the week because I don’t have the clarity of mind I need to work well on it.
I am getting up and going out and seeing people, and I can even laugh at things briefly. That doesn’t make the dark cloud go away though, only eases it temporarily.
So, that’s today.
I’ll see you next week.