So my mother-in-law and I had an odd conversation this weekend while we were all having drinks, one that dragged my husband in.
I’m not sure what started it, but we started talking about the difference between being Bipolar vs. Girl Crazy. My husband insists that this is the biggest way his mom and I are similar – neither she nor I actively produce Girl Crazy.
I am, quite clearly, Bipolar, which is it’s own form of crazy, but I don’t participate in Girl Crazy which is one of my husband’s listed reasons he loves me.
Now, to define Girl Crazy, I generally think of it as the dramatic, manipulative, and jealous behaviors that some girls are guilty of. I’m talking the possessive ‘you can’t go out without me’ behavior complete with phone calls and texts demanding to know where the guy is and why he’s not there yet and who he is with.
The jealous ‘you can’t talk to other girls than me’ and angrily possessive behavior where every other girl is a threat and awful.
Dramaful manipulations of a guy’s words to make him the bad guy, every time, all the time, and to make him feel like he’s a jerk when she’s just yanking his chain. The victim playing to guilt the guy. (This is differentiated from situations where the guy is actually being a jerk and deliberately hurtful.)
I generally consider these to be a symptom of severe insecurity, but at extremes they can be really quite abusive and controlling. My husband has dealt with this behavior in the past.
Bipolar and Girl Crazy together make for a nasty, nasty mix. Drastic mood swings, emotions, and irrational behaviors are included in this, and they just exacerbate the Girl Crazy to a miserable level for everyone involved, including the girl.
Bipolar on it’s own is difficult but not impossible. It’s hard to switch back and forth between mania and depression (takes about 2 weeks for me to do a full swing back and forth), but with the coping skills I’ve learned in therapy it’s something I can work around. There are crying spats and cuddles from my husband, but the crazy is all me and my emotions and not projected on him.
My husband is of the stance that my Bipolar is acceptable crazy and, in it’s own way, predictable crazy. Girl Crazy, however, is something he avoids at any cost.
Generally I look at it this way: because I am Bipolar (and have had significant amounts of therapy) I am aware of my own crazy including my Girl Crazy, and I recognize that it’s crazy and do my best to mitigate it rather than just react, react, react. I want to make it as easy as possible for other people to be around me!
Add to this the fact that I’ve never been particularly competitive, and my crazy tends to stick to things directly pertaining to me rather than focusing jealously on people around me. I’m also very secure in who I am and that I’m loved by my husband, so I feel no urge to cut him off from other girls. It’s actually quite flattering when other girls show interest – it just reinforces my feeling that I found an awesome guy and how lucky I am that he loves me!
I have had multiple close girl friends tell me that they get along with me and not other girls. I’m almost 100% sure it’s the lack of competitive drive. There’s no contest here, no threat.
What do you think?
How do you differentiate these behaviors? Would you agree that Girl Crazy and Bipolar feed off of each other? What symptoms would you consider Girl Crazy? How would you advise coping with them?
Inquiring minds want to know! I’m really curious to know what you think about this. Maybe I’m entirely confused!